Brandon Bradford's Blog

Beating your kids.

I always tell stories about how my parents came up with clever ways to punish us.  "If you are going to waste my time, i'm going to waste your time," my father would say.   However, before it got to that stage my parents would sit me down and talk through what happened step by step to see my thought process.  Making sure that I knew it was wrong, and still did it anyways. (Parents, want to see your kids paralyzed with fear and indecision? Ask them "So you knew it was wrong, and you still did it anyways?" They are stuck in between refuting the story they just told you and admitting that they did it on purpose.  Try not to laugh.) Once they knew I understood where I went wrong, then I would get whatever punishment they concocted.   Example:  I get home, my father hands me a teaspoon and a ruler. "You're going to dig a 1ft cube in the backyard, measured perfectly.  If it isn't perfect, you are going to fill it back up and dig another."  It was a long day. There is a difference between abuse and discipline.  Whether it's  emotional or physical, abuse is never okay.  Abuse also includes letting someone take advantage of your temperament, patience, work ethic, hospitality, etc.  I'm a firm believer in not letting other peoples BS (.......bullshit if you were wondering) change who you are as a person.  Along those same lines, don't let others actions undermine who you are trying to become.  In your professional, personal, and family life.    It is just as important to explain WHY something is wrong as it is to speak up.  Without understanding, there is no growth and you shouldn't expect a different result.

 

The worst thing I've ever said to a woman

(Parents- Mother in particular.  Please don't read this)

I was recently asked about a failure I had and why I don't write about those.  Honestly, it never occurred to me.  Here ya go.

I'm not an angry person.  Everyone has their kryptonite though, and this girl in particular was mine. We meant well, we were just terrible for each other at the time, and it brought out the worst in the both of us.  I'll call her Pedestal.  

Pedestal and I had been broken up for about a year, attempting to be good friends I invite her and her new bf(6'6 guy, dark/purply black, played college bball) to come by for a drink sometime at the bar I was running.

9:00pm  Pedestal and OtherBlackGuy(OBG) come in. I'm busy running around, grab them drinks, continue working.

9:08pm  I'm talking to a group of girls at a table, serving them bday drinks.  Pedestal walks up, "Are you just going to talk to these sluts all night?"  Understandably confused, I apologize to the table, pull her to the side and ask what's going on.  "oh, nothing" she says, then walks back to OBG.  I'm busy, I continue working.

9:20pm  OBG pulls me to the side, ask me to "stop being that guy, he doesn't want to have to talk to me again".  I kindly informed him that I was the smallest boy in my family and if need be I would show him how exposed his neck and knees were ( I believe the actual quote was "I will F*ck your shit up).  We move past niceties, and get to the point that I have no idea what's going on.  OBG is equally confused after we talk.  We form a temporary truce,  I continue working.

9:35pm  Pedestal approaches me "What the fuck Brandon?"  Me- "I don't know what's wrong, but if you didn't want to see me, don't come to my work."  She-"Whatever", and walks off.

 If you don't know, saying "whatever" while in an argument with a significant other is a passive aggressive verbal middle finger.

9:50pm Pedestal approaches me at a table, again.  Insults an entire group of people she doesn't know, again.  I pull her over to where OBG is standing and ask what the hell is going on.  Blank stares come back in response.  Perfect.  I go back to work.

10:30pm  I am walking the new cocktail waitress through the new section changes.  Pedestal walks up and pours her entire drink over the poor girl. Ranting and raving, not saying anything that made sense still.

OBG is standing behind her, useless.  I lose my temper and start to kick them out.  Pedestal makes a jab at the girl she just poured a drink on, I respond with

 

"Just because you are a stadium tunnel,"

Pedestal-"Stadium tunnel?"

I looked at OBG, "All you do is get ran through by black athletes."

 

.......There is no recovery from that.  Though at the time it may seem justified, be careful when ripping out a potential future with people you care about.  Even though there was some obvious emotional attachment at the time, the friend that I lost as of that day wasn't worth having the last word.

 

Brad Paisley & LL Cool J- Accidental Racist- F***ing Terrible

I swear, I seriously thought this was a joke.  I try not to rant very often, but I can't risk my friends assuming that this was a good idea.  This song is the worst piece of garbage I've heard in a long time.  The message they are trying to put out is......understandable?  The execution though is the musical equivalent of a wet sock.

HOLY SHIT THIS IS BAD.  

Just because you have one black guy that co-signs on something doesn't mean it's justified. 

This is the risk you run into when you surround yourself with "yes men".  This isn't some random youtube video from a drunken night, these "professionals" got together and ran this by other people.  This was produced.  No one close enough to them to change their mind stopped either of them and said- "hey, I know you mean well, but this is really, really F***ing terrible"

Be careful on who you trust to tell you the truth, good friends and  colleagues are those who let you know when you are making an idiot of yourself.

seriously though....listen to this

 

 

She Said Yes!

To what?  Marriage is a beautiful thing. Those of us who have experienced the benefits of having someone complimentary and supportive in their lives, wish for that experience to happen to those who haven't.  However, we all have had couples that tell us they are getting married and our first response is “Oh……Congratulations??”  and our first thought is “she’s pregnant isn’t she”.   

Relationships are investments in your emotional future.   Whether they are just friends or more, surrounding yourself with people that support who you want to be, where you want to go, and how you want to feel is the best way to achieve those goals. 

You are an average of the people you hang out with the most.  If the people that influence your decisions the most aren’t going anywhere, don’t be surprised if you look up years later only inches away from where you started.  This is exponentially true for couples.  Power couples can take on the world, disaster couples are quicksand that threaten to drag everyone else into their shit.    

 Being honest in what’s important, and acting on it when you find it, is more vital in a relationship than it is when finding a career.  Personally, my dream girl is someone who inspires me to be the person my goals are made of.  Someone who is strong enough to keep me grounded, but understands that sometimes I need to shoot the moon.

Are you with a person that supports and inspires you to grow into the best version of yourself?  Do your friends undermine your attempts to learn/grow/break free from bad habits?  

Can you believe that white guy can rap like that?

Yes.  It's 2013. The days of culture/location based tribes dominating an area are in their twilight.  The internet has allowed us access to the topics that inspire us, and connection to like minded groups to share our art/ideas with.  As our next generation is raised with these connections ingrained in their upbringing, expect a spike in racial diversity in every category.

 

Except hockey.  Way too damn cold.

"Why can't I find a nice guy?"

Because you aren’t looking for one.  You don’t want a “nice” or “good” guy.  Nice and Good have become ambiguous through overuse.

My shoes are nice. 

Margaritas are good.

 You are looking for excitement.  A mindset that sees things a different light.  That wants to grow together with you.  It can be large goals and a determination to succeed that attracts you.  It could be his devotion to make you relax, breathe and smile everyday.

 In life and in love, excitement is the golden area right outside your comfort zone.   

 Make a list of what scares the hell out of you, and get started knocking them out today.

your an idiot

*you're. Yeah, I know. If correcting grammar is the only rebuttal you have to an argument, most likely you are losing that argument.

The little things are important, but not if focusing on them causes you lose track of your main goals/the big picture.

Sometimes we concentrate so hard on the minutia that we forget the reason WHY we started working in the first place

However, if "u lyk 2 typ lyk dis wen u tryn 2 m8k a point", jump off a cliff.

 

Sigh.......Don't really jump.....but seriously, get it together.

You ball soft, no one wants to find you

Toot your own horn damn it! You aren't going to meet complimentary mindsets talking to yourself.   Actively put yourself/your material in front of those that matter.

Nothing about having an art/talent/ dream requires that you wallow in obscurity, waiting to be found by the one talent scout who just happened to walk by.

Share!

Confidence, an open mind and the determination to consistently fail better will get you there. Ask your friends and family for their opinion.

Take criticism for what it is. Even if you don’t agree with the point of view it’s always good to see how your expressions are received.

Perform, review, revise, adjust and repeat.

Smiling at White Children

I was working with a photographer today who wanted to make a highly technical, highly specialized book to educate the common photographer on steps how to get to his level.  It would be large, filled with examples and sold at a very high price point.  He was unclear in his delivery and was convinced that the content and quality of the book would sell itself.    I laughed and told him that if I sold a book and called it “Smiling at white children”*  and just took photo’s of me smiling at children who had never seen a black person before, I would outsell him in a landslide.  He scoffed, but after some explaining he understood my point.  I had a specific point of view and a unique way of sharing it

Sales are an important part of learning to get your word out.  Don’t just list facts, tell a story.  Explain your journey, and show your growth.   People want to connect with your point of view, use your art to empathize.

There is a reason for the large difference between best selling author and best written book. 

 

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a great phrase, but don’t expect anyone to read your book if you are determined to have a shitty cover.

*I had some friends from Australia with a 3 year old and I was the first black person he'd ever seen(not even on tv).  The response was fantastic.  Than again, the response when you smile at any child is awesome.

Girls Fart

I was baffled.  My sixteen year old self reacted as if I just had been told that Santa Clause was real again.  "And probably much more than you think.  In fact, girls are probably farting all around you right now and getting away with it.  IT"S A CONSPIRACY".  

Granted, I may have taken it a little far at that age, but it was a valuable lesson I learned about the pedestals I may unconsciously put groups in.  Looking outward, I did the same with the celebrities/mentors/teachers who were on the top of the path I was climbing up. 

Humanizing the things that you idolize you can have an excellent effect.  You aren't the only one to have to push through this hurdle, or the only one who has had these problems.  Once we realize that these seemingly insurmountable goals can and have been overcome, it changes the way you think.  No longer if you make it, but when you make it.  You may not know the exact means to get there, but you know it can be done.

 

But seriously though.....If you didn't know it.  Girls fart.  A lot.